Drums are LOUD!

We all have hopes and dreams for our children. We want them to be the best at everything they try, but realistically we all have individual talents that we hope we discover. As parents we push our children to try many different things in their lifetime, hoping that we can find that one thing that that excel at. We all hope that our children are the next Picasso, Michael Jordan, Einstein, or any famous person that may leap out from your thoughts. I don't know what Isaac will excel at, but I have so far ben impressed with his drums.

This post is for his Uncle Jordan.

Home Alone

Kelly left for the weekend. A girls weekend with friends. A weekend she deserves as these last couple of months have been emotionally and physically draining. I wish she were home, but I know that she needs this time.

I must admit that I was terrified at the idea of her leaving. My boys would be easy. To them this is a guys weekend which means pizza, movies and Wii. Time to leave things a little messier (at least until an hour before mommy returns). Time to play catch, play basketball, wrestle; be a guy! Josie is the unknown. When mom is home Josie does not want me to put her down for a nap or put her to bed. In fact, at those times she doesn't even want me to give her a bottle. Bedtime is mom time! This sounds terrible, but this behavior only surfaces at these times and the majority of the day we are friends We love to play and laugh. She loves her mom and her mom loves her. Pre-sleep rituals are bonding times. The time a mother and daughter emo

tionally intertwine to develop that mother-daughter relationship that men can never understand. Yet you can see the bond in the way they hold each other so close that they almost become one entity. A connection forms that they both need and I enjoy so much watching.

So here I sit. Josie sleeping so restfully in the room just down the hall. I'm proud of her. She was able to feel comfortable enough to allow me to put her to bed. No fight. No crying. And I had the opportunity to have a piece of the closeness that normally happens with her and her mother every night. She nestled in. Tucked her arms under mine. Laid her head on my chest. Her heart beat next to mine and I breathed slightly deeper than normal hoping to breath in a small part of her soul. I smiled. She really is my daughter and this is her home.

I have learned so much from this adoption. The appreciation we have for Josie is hard to explain. I would never say I appreciate her more than my other children, but I do think we appreciate her better. I think there is a maturity factor that accounts for some of this, but I also think that our lives have evolved and are more settled, thus allowing us to absorb more of those little moments that kids offer. This is not meant to belittle all the time I have spent with my other children, because that time was just as precious. It is just a slight d

ifference I have noted in myself. I am learning to appreciate my other children in a similar manner and thus this adoption has helped this family become closer and hopefully has helped me to be a better father.

I sure do love my kids, my wife, my family, and my life. It has become obvious this has not happened by chance, but that I have truly been blessed. I can only look up and say thank you.

Understanding but forgetting

This weekend we had the opportunity for a friend to speak Creole to Josie. She paused. She stared. She seemed scared. I think there is little doubt that the speech was familiar to her. This seemed to be another example where her Haiti life is a life that she is trying to forget. She is moving on. But yet I am not entirely comfortable with this movement. I am so glad that she is enjoying her new life, but I would like her to understand her past. I know that she is too young to understand everything that has happened to her, however at some point in her life we will need to revisit her story again. Her family is here, but I know that she deserves to understand Haiti and the first 18 months of her life.

She needs to hear about her mother and the amazing sacrifice that her mother made. As much joy as Josie has brought this family, the sadness that her mother may have felt could be so much more. Josie's biological mother made probably the most difficult decision of her life, to give up her daughter up for adoption. I can't imagine the amount of self reflection that is needed to come to the realization that one can't care for their own child. I feel that her decision, although others may disagree, is an expression of true love. She gave up her child so that her child could reach her full potential.

On a lighter side, Isaac came home from school the other day and hopped on the computer. His mission was top secret, but suddenly a letter appeared. Kelly and I loved it so much I thought I would share it....

Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for the books I like them.I love you so much.Thank you for the snake again. Josie is so cute and I love her too.I like the jump rope. You are the best Mom and Dad. I like Napayshni a lot. I like Clyde to. you guys are so cool. I like snicker and nestle. It is almost spring. It is sunny outside. We have a lot. i’m going to go outside. I have the best Family. Some times Snicker is a pain in the butt. Kade is really cool. I can see Josie likes the shopping cart.Josie is really funny.



Love,
Isaac

In case your wondering, all those odd names, are the names of my kids pets.

Life and Death

My oldest loves his pets. They are his passion. When one dies, tears flow, and one of the hardest aspects of life is learned. Last night we said good-bye to the corn snake. The corn snake was the latest addition to his collection. He first laid his hands on it Christmas morning, and handled this snake almost everyday. As much as he loves animals, he is paticularly drawn to snakes. Why? I have no idea, but there is a connection that is almost palpable. Since first grade he has said that he wanted to be a herpetologist. His teacher at the time did not even know what that was, so he calmly explained that this was a person who studied reptiles. Certainly not a normal response from a first grader, but to him, anyone that doesn't like reptiles has a lack of appreciation for one of God's greatest gifts. This is not his first loss, but is the first snake to have passed. A tough lesson, but one he understands. It is difficult to say good-bye. Today the snake will be buried. Tonight the sadness will begin to slowly fade away. Another example of how we need to appreciate each day in its entirity, as we too often find ourselves wishing we had lived our lives differently after we are forced to say good-bye.

TV Appearance

It will be interesting to see how our story is told on Miranda this weekend. I have included the link to her home page for those of you interested in watching. Her website outlines times, but I was also told that it will air on WXSP Channel 18 this Friday at 7pm. http://www.mirandatv.com/

The Family LIfe

We spent last evening at a potluck with many of the west Michigan families that adopted from Haiti. Everyone was interested to see how the children would react. A funny thing happened. Nothing. The kids had no reaction. It was as if they didn't know each other. It was as if a group of random kids and their parents met. The parents were social, but the kids took their time assessing the situation. The shyness slowly lifted from many of the children and they would begin to play, but others stayed within an arms reach of their parents. I am not sure what we expected, but there was some anticipation that memories would be triggered. An idea crossed my mind. Is it possible that their lives just began? Not so distant memories have been replaced by a new home, a new family, and a new way of living. Do they only remember what they have been searching for their entire lives? A family.

Trust has been built with Josie and parenting is starting to take shape. We still

try to balance on that tight-rope of parenting and friendship building, but we are starting to lean more towards parenting. Yet we still under

stand her circumstances are different, so different that Wood TV stopped by this week to tape a segment for Miranda. Next, the Advance Newspaper is coming by next week for an interview. Soon we will move into our normal lives and interest

will fade. Yet I hope everyone continues to realize that there are so many children that need families, and there are so many in this world are suffering and need our help.

So we move on. Isaac started drum lessons and absolutely loves it. He wants to be like his uncle who used to be a professional drummer. The drums are loud, but his smile is louder.

So we move on. Kade continues to dream about animals. He continues to want to add to his collection. I wonder if John Ball Zoo has a ro

om we can rent?

So we move on. Moving forward as a family. Appreciating things a little more. Looking forward to our next steps wherever they may fall.

As tiring as life can be, we cherish those moments that so often make us so tired.

Time...

"That was fun". Simple words that rolled off Isaac's tongue. Words that are worth remembering. Today was a "guy" day, which meant my boys and myself were taking a little time together. Time they deserve. Our house and our time has been dominated for the past 3 weeks by our newest member. Josie is great, but so are my other kids. Kelly and I felt the boys deserved a little attention, so today they became my focus.

"That was fun". Words that filled the car ride home after a day of snowboarding. The unexpected timing of these words make them so memorable. The words suddenly appear and I realize they still thrive on time and attention. They , like Josie want to be loved. So our time today served its purpose. It allowed them to know that they are as every bit as important today as they were when they were born. When that focus is on them, their eyes shine and we as parents realize that the time spent together as a family can never be replaced. It is so easy to lose focus in our hectic lives, but suddenly, "That was fun!" can bring a little perspective to our lives.