Family

My children prayed every day for "our little girl in Haiti".    It was our dinner ritual that maybe offered a glimmer of hope.  Yet,   I started to think that for my kids this prayer was becoming nothing more than habit.  A statement they were supposed to say, but a prayer that I wasn't sure a chid could grasp.  I had thought that with time,  a child's reality begins to fade.  I was wrong.  My kids adore their new sister.

Every morning the kids pace outside Josie's door  waiting to pounce as if they were cats on the prowl.  When out she comes,  they maul her with hugs, kisses and those touches of magic that only children can understand.  She plays right along, looking as if she has always been here.

I am so proud of my kids.  They love Josie as much as Kelly and I do.  In their eyes there is not one small piece of jealousy.  They understand her needs, as well as the needs of their parents.  They watch, they listen.  Our kids learn from us and we learn from them.  Together we will teach Josie the meaning of family.

By the way, I unpacked my bag... 

What Is Today?

Today is Josie's second birthday and her one week anniversary of her new home.  It is amazing how our minds work.  The 14 hours of Miami International Airport seem like a distant memory.  The agonizing 3 years of wait, now a nightmare that past as a new day begins.  I wonder what memories of the orphanage now exist.  Does she remember sleeping outside, as those around her wondered about the stability of the orphanage?  Are faces of the other children starting to blur?  Has the shaking ground been replaced by the  stability of our home?  Who knows these answers?  And honestly, do they really matter.  The simple truth is our family increased by one, but our love grew exponentially.   Happy birthday sweetheart, 

Bag Still Packed

Today was the day I was supposed to leave for the mission trip.  My bag is still packed.  As I said before there will always be a small piece of me that could never let go of that trip.  I am still in awe of those that made that sacrifice.

So I am sad.  But a friendship is blossoming.  Josie and I are becoming quite close.  I will never reach the heights of her mommy.  I will adore second place!  Parenting for her is a little backwards.  With our other kids there was always trust.  After all, we were there before time began for them.  Josie is different.  As much as she wants love, her life has been a series of hellos and goodbyes.  There were a few that were always there, but the volunteers that played with her constantly came and went.  She has learned to relax with me.  We play. We laugh.  We play again.  For now, parenting has taken a back seat to trust and friendship.  Tough love will have to come at some point.  Right now we need bonding.  That bonding is the one relief that I have with not leaving.  I wouldn't want her mind thinking that I was just a hello and goodbye.

Another kiss goodnight, another moment my heart pauses.  She knows I will be here tomorrow. She doesn't realize I will be with her forever.

Family first

Well I have decided to forego this trip to Haiti. There were many signs that my time to travel had past. My bag is still packed and there will always be a part of myself that will miss this opportunity. I must admit that I am still having a hard time unpacking my backpack, which has been sitting on my bedroom floor for the past week. Earlier this week I had sent an email stating that I had decided to stay. The next morning, a new communication, saying I am going. In between, racing thoughts, debate with anyone that would listen, poor sleep and general indecisiveness. A decision had to be made, and two people associated with the mission trip both agreed that I should stay. Thank you Mary and Katie/Troy.

Every time I look at my little girls bright eyes and endless smile I feel as though I owe Haiti. Of course I thank God. But this debt will need to be paid another time. My wife and I both agree that we are not done with Haiti and look forward to future opportunities.

A huge thank you must go out to my colleagues and friends at Advantage Health as well as with the Holy Spirit Crew for supporting me with this decision. I cannot say enough about this group to describe the amount of admiration that I have for those involved. True heroes. They can be followed at their own blog: http://haitimedicalteam.wordpress.com/.

One jump at a time

It's amazing how life works. One of Kelly's close friends lost their mother the day we first held Josie. Life ends, a new one begins. Smiles and tears. That is life. We jump from moment to moment, hopeful that each landing brings joy, but truly uncertain of what life brings next. While we shed tears of joy, friends shed tears of sorrow. Yet each will create memories that are so close to our hearts.

So this evening Kelly helped to say good bye, and I had the pleasure of my first night alone with three...THREE...children. Thank goodness Kade and Isaac are old enough to help out. Josie will be two this Friday. I keep forgetting her age, after all she is such a peanut (5% for weight). Suddenly she is starting to talk. We were told that she has spoken some Creole, but to us that is just babble. Tonight she waived a balloon at the dog and said "away". She loved this control since she is still not a big fan of the dogs. Later mama, and dada appeared in her vocabulary. Her personality continues to evolve. This introverted little girl has suddenly started to become expressive.

You hear how children do not develop well in an orphanage, and I have always believed it, but I never expected such a dramatic turnaround. I know that God's Littlest Angels did a great job, but nothing can substitute for the love of a family.

Decision Time

It has come time to decide whether to remain a part of the mission trip to Haiti. The decision is weighing so heavily on me. To go or not to go. I have played each scenario over and over in my head of whether to help those in Haiti or to help my family and Josie with this period of transition. Josie has been great, but she relies on my wife a lot, which leaves me to do a bigger part of caring for our other children and helping take care of daily living. My back pack is still packed and sitting in my bedroom and every time I see that bag I find myself wanting to be part of each scenario. But I only get a limited time to bond with a little girl before I head back to work, and it is so hard to give up that time to go to Haiti. I feel like each decision lets someone down. My wife has been great, and is willing to support me no matter what I choose, but I know she wants me to stay. I can't ever remember a more difficult decision in my life.

Pics

The First Day

Just a few quick observations from Josie's first day home. It didn't take long, but we are seeing her occasionally let her guard down. We see moments where she is a beautiful little girl, playful, curious, loving. But sometimes she reverts to the scared, unsure child who spent 16 months in an orphanage.

She doesn't like dogs! We are introducing them slowly, but she whimpers when they look at her.

She likes to eat! Everything! I am afraid she is going to grow quickly and my wife is going shopping...again.

She loves her brothers and her brothers certainly love her. They want to help her with everything. They have been awake before she is in the morning and they pace in front of her door to see her. They are so in love with their new sister!

Night time is hard. She needs to be held. I can't imagine what it is like to go to bed every night wondering tomorrow who will be there when I awake. I think she just doesn't want to let go. She has not had a mom for so long. At night she holds on so tight, only to wake up if Kelly tries to move. The slightest movement causes her to tighten her grip. I think she is afraid that tomorrow we will be gone. Boy, is she wrong! It is so obvious how important love is to a child. Kelly is tired. It is as if we have a newborn, but Kelly would not have it any other way.

I can't wait to see what today brings. And, as promised, I will post a few more pictures today.

Welcome Home

WOW

I can't believe the last 48 hours. We flew to Miami. Sat in the Miami International Airport, concourse G, from 8:45pm until 7:30am the next morning. It is a long story, so I won't bore you with details, but I will always remember that concourse. Eventually we were escorted to a conference room where we sat for another another two hours. I smelled bad, looked bad, but the move did give both Kelly and I some energy. And I still don't know how Kelly can look so good after being awake for 30 hours. Anyway, at 9:30am we were told that the children had arrived. They were escorted to the conference room next to us while we were locked (not really locked, but it makes the story better) in our room. Suddenly, Dixie entered the room. She is an amazing women! She told us of the long night of getting the children through immigration. AND THEN...families were called out in groups of four where the were introduced to their families. I was astonished to see many of the children run to their parents and hug them. So many smiles, so much laughter, so many tears. If anyone has a hard time defining love, that scene was it! It was as though an angel had handed us our daughter. Kelly cried. I cried (real men do cry). Time stood still...

pictures coming soon

Happy, but yet frustrated

We are leaving at 11:56 this morning. But many more ups and downs. First we were told to book flights, then they said wait...."we may have private flights". 9:00AM today we have not heard anything!? Planes were filling up and we had to move to secure a flight. Frustrating!

But we are on our way to bring our beautiful little girl home, and in the end, that is what really matters.

FINALLY

Josie is coming home! A huge thank you to everyone that has prayed so hard.

God works in mysterious ways. The Haiti mission

trip had to be rescheduled and look what happens.

Hurry up...stop.

No flight today. More hurry up and wait. This has been my life since the earthquake.

What a roller-coaster...

Suddenly things do not look good. Our travel plans have hit a snag. Apparently we are unable to get a time slot for landing. I used to tell my kids that a new grey hair grew every time the did something wrong. Now I think I know the real reason...emotional ups and downs.

Our little girl

Tick/Tock

Our group is scheduled to fly via Amway today. We were told that we needed to go at a moments notice. So here I wait. A little apprehensive since there was a 6.1 aftershock this AM. My wife is amazing. So supportive, but I know she is scared. Also still waiting for word on our little girl. The orphanage directer was going to the US embassy today to try to obtain visas, but even then it sounds like there are transportation issues. The clock keeps moving, but in many ways it feels like time is standing still.

Unexpected

So much for plans. I leave in the morning. It may be best since it gives me less time to think. This may sound strange but I have never been away from my wife and kids for that long. And who knows, I may come home to a new daughter. I struggled with leaving. I have been waiting to have my daughter come home since Sept. of 2008. Now I may miss that first day. I will miss the tears that are sure to come when my wife catches just the faintest glimmer of her face. At least I know Josie will be home and safe in her mommies arms and pestered by her new brothers. As difficult as it is, I just felt so many people in Haiti needed help that I have continued to be a part of this special trip to aid those in Haiti.

Who, What , When, Where and Why!

This is a starting point. This is an update to bring everyone up to speed. I don't know who will see this, so this may be redundant for many of you. My wife and I decided to adopt a child from Haiti in 2007. We have known our daughter since Sept. of 2008. We have traveled to Haiti, held her, and of course had to say good-bye until the adoption was complete.

So here we are in January of 2010. It is hard to believe we can count years of the adoption process instead of months or even days. Suddenlly life has changed dramaticaly. The earthquake in Haiti has hastened our need to get our daughter home quickly, but has also had a tremendous impact on me personally. After our trip to Haiti I have felt a connection. Seeing firsthand the amount of poverty is a memory that I don't think will ever fade away. I knew the amount of help that would be needed, and I found myself wishing I could help.

God answered my prayers and I have been asked to participate in a mission trip to Haiti. So in 2 days, I am off....but before I go, the many wonderful people at St. Mary's Health Care had asked if I would keep people informed by keeping a blog. I don't know what will come of this blog, but we will all find out together.