Bag Still Packed

Today was the day I was supposed to leave for the mission trip.  My bag is still packed.  As I said before there will always be a small piece of me that could never let go of that trip.  I am still in awe of those that made that sacrifice.

So I am sad.  But a friendship is blossoming.  Josie and I are becoming quite close.  I will never reach the heights of her mommy.  I will adore second place!  Parenting for her is a little backwards.  With our other kids there was always trust.  After all, we were there before time began for them.  Josie is different.  As much as she wants love, her life has been a series of hellos and goodbyes.  There were a few that were always there, but the volunteers that played with her constantly came and went.  She has learned to relax with me.  We play. We laugh.  We play again.  For now, parenting has taken a back seat to trust and friendship.  Tough love will have to come at some point.  Right now we need bonding.  That bonding is the one relief that I have with not leaving.  I wouldn't want her mind thinking that I was just a hello and goodbye.

Another kiss goodnight, another moment my heart pauses.  She knows I will be here tomorrow. She doesn't realize I will be with her forever.